Mom's Special Day

"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much." -- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis



We’re all connected in life through mothers. Good or bad, we all have one. Some of us are lucky enough to get to become one ourselves. There’s no experience in my life as profound as that of being a mother. It has changed me in every possible way.

We could start with the obvious—PHYSICALLY. I will never, ever look good in a bikini again without some serious plastic surgery intervention. My left hip is messed up from having a kid permanently being carried there for about ten years. My right hip is messed up from having to lie on that side for the last six months of all three pregnancies while on bed-rest during preterm labor. The skin on my stomach was stretched to epic proportions during said three pregnancies. Just like a balloon that was filled too full with air, that never can go back to its teeny, tiny state. I have the stretch marks/war wounds to prove it.

I know women who go back to that teeny, tiny state. I hate them. (If you are one of them, I HATE YOU. Seriously.)

Emotionally and spiritually, I have permanently changed as well. Just like my poor, overstretched body, my heart and spirit will never again be able to shrink back to who I used to be. I was a selfish, silly girl in my teens and early 20’s. I couldn’t see far beyond what was mattering to me at any given moment. Sure, I cared about the world in general. I didn’t like the idea of war. I loved my parents and brothers as much as a daughter and sister could back then. I cared about my friends. I wasn’t crazy about pollution.

From the moment I discovered I had Jessica growing under my heart, I changed forever. Suddenly, everything in my universe was viewed first in its potential to harm her. I remember right after the blue “+” showed up on the EPT pregnancy test, I instinctively folded my arms over my belly to guard her. That became something that I did automatically forever after that.

My children are now 17, 15 and 12. Still, everything that happens in my life is viewed in its potential first, for harming them. If it’s even possible, it’s pretty easy for me to rule it out. One of the hardest things has been knowing there are things I can’t protect them from. No matter how good a Mom I am, I haven’t been able to be on the playground during every recess when some creepy kid decided my kid had something worth making fun of. Hopefully, none of my kids were that creepy kid for one of your kids. (If they were, please let me know. I WILL KILL THEM.)

It’s easier as a parent to hold your children when they have the sniffles or a broken arm than it is to try to figure out how to mend their broken hearts. When Alex was around two, he was sitting in his car seat while we drove along a road in Idaho on vacation. We were heading back to a cabin after a day at Redfish Lake. He started fussing, then screaming, I thought, because he wanted out of his carseat. This wasn’t something new. He hated being in a carseat. So, I did the typical Mom thing. I said, “I know, honey. You hate that stupid carseat. Hang in there. We’ll be at the cabin soon.” But, he wouldn’t stop screaming.

Finally, we pulled over and I went to get him out and give him a break from the dreaded harness. As I pulled him out, a huge bee flew out of the back of the carseat. My heart dropped through the ground. He had a massive welt on his bare back. (It still makes me sick thinking about it now and he’s 15.) Of course, we got back to the cabin, did all the right medical things, but I couldn’t get over the look he gave me when he thought I had ignored his distress. It still haunts me.

This experience, of hurting more or having more joy for the ones you love than for yourself, changes your heart forever. Watching my daughter fearlessly stand up to sing in front of her high school thrills me more than it ever felt when I stood up in front of my high school to sing. In fact, it’s more thrilling to watch her sing with her entire choir than it felt when I stood alone in front of thousands of people and sang myself. Feeling your heart swell like that, it’s almost physically painful.

My boys haven’t been athletes or Boy Scouts. None of my kids have been straight A students, although I think they’re all brilliant. I don’t have a “My kid is on the honor roll” bumper sticker on my car. In fact, I have thought of getting one of those “My kid could kick your honor roll kid’s ass” bumper stickers for my van. (No reason. I just think they’re funny. Actually, I’m guessing Chris could. But, I digress.)

The prayers I have prayed on behalf of my children are more heart-felt and desperate than they have ever been for me, in my worst of circumstances. Whether it’s a bad stomach ache or heartache for one of my babies, I can hardly bear to see them hurt in any way. Knowing that I contributed somehow to their struggles since our divorce nearly kills me some nights when I’m trying to find elusive sleep. The only thing that keeps me sane in those moments is knowing that they were loved more and better than I ever could long before they grew under my heart. The faith I have in my loving Father in Heaven saves me during those moments.

My spirit has been stretched to its limits mothering these three precious ones. I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be. How could we ever start to comprehend the love of our God and His desire for our happiness without our hearts being pulled in this way? Realizing these priceless ones were precious to Him before me and will be long after give me my greatest hope. Knowing this is true helps me realize that I’m His precious child as well. I was long before my parents loved me and will be long after.

When I struggle, I know my sweet Mom is praying for me. I can only start to understand how much she loves me because of how much I love my sweet ones. Personally, I don’t think I’m worthy of the love and belief she has in me. But, Mothers are a special breed. They believe in us for reasons known only in the depth of their hearts. The Circle of Life is the blessing that makes this all make sort of sense eventually.

This little blog isn’t much in the great scheme of things. My life isn’t much in the history of the universe. I don’t write thinking that it’s going to change anyone or leave some great imprint that I lived. These things I know, however.

MOTHERS MATTER.

MOTHERS CHANGE THE WORLD EVERY SINGLE HOUR OF EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I believe if we mothers of this world do our job right, the world will go right. The day mothers stop trying, the world will go to pieces. I am confident the world will never completely fall apart because there are mothers out there that will never stop loving and encouraging their children.

As a special note to my own Mom—I love you, Tamara Wagner Mohlman. You bless me every single day because you exist and love and believe in me. I know I will succeed because you truly believe I will. I can never fully give up because you won’t give up on me. Ever.

I feel especially blessed this Mother’s Day because you are still on this planet with me. I’m only too aware that this won’t always be the case, so every day we are still here together I’m incredibly grateful.

Happy Mother’s Day. Times 5 kids, 17 grandkids, one dogger, and 3 grand-doggers. Your life will continue to provide ripples of greatness long after you have lived and breathed. Your influence can never possibly end because you love us all so dearly.

Enjoy your special day, Moms. Your seemingly thankless work is changing the world.

One child at a time.

It Must Be Monday

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over a year is actually a very bored 14 year old boy.

Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon.

Today, it was my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Along with a pair of $80 shoes, I bought him a birthday cake, his favorite ice cream and a $15 balloon. I showed up to the party and he was very intoxicated. So intoxicated that he pops the balloon, drops the cake, and throws up all over his new shoes.

Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15.

Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML

-- www.fmylife.com

My daughter and I were sitting together last night in the living room, catching up on the overextended Tivo. She was checking her email when she announced, "Mom! I have found a new website that I guarantee will start being YOUR FAVORITE site!!" What could it be, I thought? A new site on the stresses of single mothers? A new job site for me to crank out more resumes? A site that will make keeping my house spotless an actual possibility? NOOOOO.

The new, my soon to be "favorite" site is called : www.fmylife.com. Yes, as in F my life dot com. (Yes, the F stands for exactly what you think it does.) Someone got it in their head that there should be a place for everyone to have the opportunity to spell out why their life is completely screwed up. It's completely hilarious. And, yes, I think it may very well be my new all time favorite web site. Here's why.

I'm not laughing at the horrible things that can happen in an individual's day. (Well, okay, I just very well might be, I'm not going to lie...) It's more of an "I'd rather laugh about it than cry about it" thing that my Dad taught me when I was still a short, fairly happy creature. My dad could take any horrible event in his own life and laugh about it. Just the ridiculous irony of life itself was hilarious to him at any given time of day. I loved this about him. I could go to him with anything, ANYTHING, from getting a lousy grade to having my marriage fall apart, and he'd find a reason that we could laugh. It definitely took the sting out of the general horrible-ness that life can sometimes be.

He also helped me understand that you can ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS find a good reason to complain if you look hard enough. On the flip side, you can always be happy too, no matter what hellish experience you're currently going through. When I get together with my brothers and their families, there's always a lot of laughing going on. All of us struggle. No one's life is perfect. None are even close. But, there's something amazing about getting together, because we can tell our latest horror stories (losing a job, being sick, missing our dad) and we'll basically mock those things to death. We're all fairly sarcastic by nature, but we're also pretty sensitive people. Laughing at stuff is the only way we can move forward in life without getting suicidal or something.

Hearing or reading the horrible events from other people's lives can quickly put our own life back into some type of perspective. My life isn't the biggest event on the planet and neither is yours. We're all here doing the best we can, living day in and day out. We love our families, work hard, and pay our bills. The economy is particularly rough right now, and I lost my job last week. It can be terrifying when I can't see clearly where this month's rent is going to come from, not to mention next month's. Seeing as today is the 4th of the month and I haven't figured it out yet, I'm pretty stressed. But, I have my health. I have my kids. I have friends. I'm nowhere near living the life Job lived. And neither are you.

So, lighten up. Today is a new day. It's finally spring. You have a family who loves you and friends who do too. You have someone in your life to love today. You have a place to live and things to accomplish.

Remember, Life is always worth living as long as we're living. If you're not dead yet, there's still work to be done, hugs to give, and smiles to share. Let's get out there and DO IT. TODAY.

Have a good week, my friends.

Dreams Come True to Alex

I thought it might be interesting to ask Alex what he thought it was like to have autism. How do you explain what is only normal to you? How do any of really understand what is normal to someone else?

Anyway, I told Alex I wanted to write about him today and he gave me his chosen title. I had originally chosen "The World According to Alex", but he wanted to have it called "Dreams Come True to Alex". So, here we go!

Me: Alex, what do you think is different about having autism?

Alex: My brain works different.

Me: How is your brain different from my brain?

Alex: It's just not like yours.

Me: You know how you can think in colors sometimes? Like "red" is "angry"?

Alex: And "green" is "sick!" And also "yellow" is "glad", and "blue" is "sad".

Me: Wow, I didn't know that green was sick. That's a new color for me!

Alex: And "gray" is "scared".

Me: Really??

Alex: Yeah, really.

Me: I have another question for you. Since it's almost Easter, where does the Easter Bunny live?

Alex: In a tree?

Me: Hmmm... It could be a tree.

Alex: Lots of rabbits live under trees.

Me: I'll bet you're right. So, what is the Easter Bunny's job?

Alex: To give us gifts and hide eggs so we can do Easter egg hunting, and also candy hunting too.

Me: Yeah, that's a busy bunny, isn't it?

Alex: Yes siree!

Me: I have another question for you.

Alex: Now what?? [glad that sarcasm hasn't been lost in the genetics!]

Me: What's your favorite movie of the day?

Alex: I don't have a favorite. I like all of them.

Me: What about "The Nightmare Before Christmas"? Don't you love that one?

Alex: That's my favorite HALLOWEEN MOVIE.

Me: Oh, okay. So, what dreams can come true for you, Alex?

Alex: Like going to Disneyland in California, Disney World in Florida, and go on a Disney Cruise.

Me: You love Disney stuff, don't you?

Alex: Yep.

Me: Those are good dreams, Al Pal. What are some bad dreams of yours?

Alex: Like being attacked by a lion, tiger, bear, or attacked by a shark, or being chased by a watchdog, or falling in a videogame and getting a "game over".

Me: Oh. Those are bad dreams. I like the good dreams better. How about you? What do you dream you will be when you are a grown up?

Alex: A superhero. I have four jobs. Superhero, photographer, pizza deliverer, and restaurant worker.

Me: Hmmmm... that sounds like a superhero I know....

Alex: I know, Mom-a-Mom! Spiderman! But, I have a different superhero name, but I still have spider powers. And I have a different spider costume too. But, it looks different. The eyes are red, the gloves are red, and shoes are red, and mask and shirt and trousers are black. And I have a gray spider on my chest and a red spider on my back like Spiderman's, and I have a red mark on my belly like a black widow spider does.

Me: So, what superhero are you going to be?

Alex: Black Widow Spiderman.

Me: Cool. You have been planning on that forever and ever, haven't you?

Alex: Yes. That's who I want to be.

I thought those of you out there who feel like I have a super hard life having two sons with diagnoses that falls upon the autism spectrum should just read for yourself.

I honestly think my life is charmed being able to raise such interesting kids. Next time we will hear from Chris. He has different dreams for himself.

We all have dreams for our lives, no matter where we started. If you want to have something that will make you think the rest of your life, ask your kids what their dreams are...

Make New Friends, But Keep the Old

Make new friends,
but keep the old.
One is silver,
the other is gold.

A circle is round,
it has no end.
That's how long,
I will be your friend.

A fire burns bright,
it warms the heart.
We've been friends,
from the very start.

You have one hand,
I have the other.
Put them together,
We have each other.

Silver is precious,
Gold is too.
I am precious,
and so are you.

You help me,
and I'll help you
and together
we will see it through.

Across the land
Across the sea
Friends forever
We will always be

This song was running through my head today. Not an unusual occurrence by a long shot. Wearing an IPOD all day keeps a constant soundtrack going on, which I love, and it keeps the obnoxious songs that occasionally run through my head away. I mean, if I'm going to have music running through my head all the time, I'd rather choose it than be stuck with a Barney song instead, you know?

Anyway, I was thinking about how friends come and go in my life, kind of like osmosis. You know, one flows in, one flows out. Some are here for awhile, others are here for a lifetime. You never really know how it's going to go. Facebook has been an interesting experience for me. Suddenly there's an internet site that allows you to connect possibly with every person you have ever met in your entire life. Some of those people are very memorable, others not so much. However, I have discovered that I AM MEMORABLE. Wow. Who knew??? Certainly not me!

To date I have been able to reconnect with 342 friends and family members. 342 people! And, seriously, I know every one of them. How crazy is that??? I mean, it never even occurred to me that I had MET that many people in my life, let alone KNEW that many! I find the whole situation kind of astounding and just a little bit unnerving as well.

It seems like with life being the way that it is, things are constantly in flux. Things are always changing. Circumstances, jobs, relationships all are changing, changing, changing... And because of that, more and more people get drawn into my personal circle one way or the other. Currently, I'm in a fast and furious job hunt since my current position has a contract expiration date of 4/16/09. Yes, that's just one week from today. So, I'm job hunting, shooting out resumes, going through interviews and through it all I get the opportunity to meet more people, learn something from them, even if I only know them for a few minutes.

I also am ridiculously hopeful that I may make new guy friends online. I actually, through trial and error, have found a pretty good website for this. Through trial and lots of error, I have also discovered how to pick out the "scary" guys in a fairly short amount of time. I won't tell you about the trial and error of that whole nightmare-- just that it was a LOT OF TRIAL, and a WHOLE LOT OF ERROR.

I have learned (again from trial and error) that there's nothing worse you can do for a potential relationship than to immediately hit it off, get physical, and then, you know, sit back and "see what happens". I'll tell you what "happens": you stop liking each other fairly fast and have to just move on and find someone else to experience the "see what happens" game again.

The good thing about all of this, I suppose, is that I don't have to wait and hope for the best anymore. I have learned that my parents and teachers from church were RIGHT. Man, there's just nothing worse than realizing that, I have to tell you! Mom, you may officially begin GLOATING. READY, SET, GLOAT. Teachers from church, you too. Go ahead. You were right. All of you. I hope you all are receiving some sort of thrill from hearing this from me, after years of putting up with my perfected eyeroll technique and heavy sighing that I used to imply you all did not know what you were talking about. I'm looking forward to the day when I daughter tells me I was right, because I'm mid-eyeroll tolerance with her at this point as well.

The only way to actually have a successful relationship is to start as friends, really get to know a person, and then see where things go. The immediately jump in with both feet method has not been a particularly successful experiment for me. Unfortunately, because I honestly prefer that method. You know, you look into each other's eyes-- it's all new and exciting... You get that POW!POW!POW! in the gut, and well, you just KNOW. Oh yeah, he's IT. We have finally found each other! Life from here on out will be perfectly perfect, in every possible way, because of this amazing MOMENT.

Sorry to burst everyone's dreamy bubble (including my own), but that just doesn't ever work in real life, where I'm stuck living at this point. Friendships beget good relationships, because when you actually take the time to get to know someone before losing your mind completely, you have a better chance of ruling out the losers before the fact, rather than after. I can't tell you how many times I have dove in, thinking, "Oh man! This is THE guy! He's so amazing!", finding some huge amount of romance in the whole deal, only to discover that NO.... He's really not that great, he's not even close to being THE GUY. He's just A GUY. Maybe a great guy at that, but not THE GUY. Nope, never THE GUY.

I was fascinated last night to hear a true story about a couple who met and married within 3-1/2 weeks. Yep, as in about 24 days from meeting to married. Am I the only person who thinks that might be just INSANE???? Okay, I see the potential romantic angle and all, but come on! Don't you think if someone is amazing and incredibly lovable within 3-1/2 weeks that they will still be in 3-1/2 years???? That to me would be plain common sense, but in the world of romantic notions, common sense is not a necessarily welcome guest. Not even to me.

So, I have flown off on a tear apparently today. I guess my final thought would be this... I'm glad, despite the crappy circumstances of the past few years, to have the opportunity to make new friends. Especially guy friends. When I was married, I really missed having my guy friends around. I grew up in a house full of boys. I am crazy about my guy friends.

I love all of you, my sweet guy friends, wherever you may be today. You make my life richer for knowing you. You help make this twisted, weird time of my life bearable because you make me laugh and cure some of the crazy loneliness. You keep me company talking to me on the phone all night while I'm missing my kids and you're missing yours.

Of course, my dearest of guy friends are my four most amazing brothers. Dudes, please know you are loved and nearly worshipped by me. You love my children as your own. You check in to make sure I'm alive, eating and not homeless. You offer to help me however you can, while still being the best husbands and fathers that exist on the planet. I'm so proud of you, Dave, Andy, Jon and Tim.

You give me hope to keep searching for the ellusive perfect guy for me, because of who you are. I'm so blessed to be your sister and your friend. I will never lose hope in men because of you. In fact, there's exactly 0% chance that I will become some sort of man-hater in this lifetime because I have you in my life. I know that men are good, amazing creatures because I have observed and spent my entire life knowing you. And of course, the most perfect of all, our sweet Sexy Rexy, who's busy planning a huge party for all of us. It probably involves loud music, streamers and fondue, if I know Daddy like I think I do. And probably that Christmas Eve game that involved fighting over M&M's and cash.

And you, Mom. You are a friend above and beyond all friends on this earth to your kids, grandkids, and every person who crosses your path. You have taught me the heights and depths of friendship watching the sacrifices you have made to be a friend and keep a friend. Your heart is bottomless. You always have more to give. You always seek how you can lift another's burden, whether that person is family or not. In fact, I have learned from you that FRIENDS ARE FAMILY. Every single one. And there's always always room for one or a hundred more at the table.

Make new friends, but keep the old-- one is silver and the other gold. My prayer this day is that I bring to the table something that lifts the burdens of my sweet friends. I hope I bring laughter and smiles and a safe place to cry if you need to. I hope that I express to you, often, how very precious you are to me and the depth you give my life, which would be horribly challenging without you here.

I hope I hug you often and tell you I love you as much as you need to hear it. I hope you know that as precious as you are to me, you are so much more precious to God. His love is not dependent on how good or bad we are. It doesn't even matter if we choose to believe He exists or love Him back. His love is a gift, and He considers us friends.

I hope someday to be able to love like that. For now, I'll keep practicing.

If You Know One of Us, You Know Us All

I grew up in a very unusual family. Just ask us. Haha. No really, I have been extremely blessed to have such amazing brothers, and outstanding parents. It's incredible to have such wonderful memories of growing up. I have to constantly fight my nostalgia. I think we all are very sentimental, as a group. So, my parents obviously did a lot more things right than wrong.

As wonderful as that is, it tends to create a lot of pressure in my head to provide my kids with the same kind of Potential Nostalgia and Sentimentality for their future adult selves. I mean, how on earth am I supposed to accomplish that???? You just keep getting up, day after day, and do what you do. Hope for the best. Hope it's enough.

I feel like I spend the bulk of my time at home throwing laundry in the hamper, the washer, the dryer, a basket for folding; planning dinner, shopping for dinner, making dinner, cleaning up after dinner; getting kids to bed, waking them up, taking them to school, picking them up from school; hassling them about homework and making sure they don't leave for school the next day without it. Sound familiar?

During all of this busy craziness that happens at home when they're not at school and I'm not at work, I find myself grabbing those small *glimmer* moments with them when the planets seem to align and we are able to create an amazing memory. The problem is, as I see it, that you simply cannot plan QUALITY TIME. The whole idea behind QUALITY TIME is pure myth. Back in the 80's, when I was in high school and college, there was this term "QUALITY TIME". This meant that even if you're gone 60 or 70 hours a week working, if you planned things just right, you'd be able to have only Good and Memory Making Moments with your kids because you'd have to wrap it all up in a shorter amount of hours than a stay at home parent.

Well, my friends, I tell you, that's CRAP, pure and simple. And I say that as a working Mom. I stayed home with my kids full time for 15 years and I could not have set aside that Quality Time if I was the most organized person on the planet (and believe me, I'm NOT). Quality Time stems from Quantity Time. You have to be there, and be present, and those moments kind of fall in your lap when you're not looking. And then you look back and think, "Oh man, am I glad I was paying attention right then!"

My parents seemed to have a sixth sense about how to do this. They made our home a pretty good hang-out joint where our friends were always welcome. We had people tromping in and out of there all hours of the day and night, and my parents seemed to genuinely like everyone that was around. They were friendly and open to talking with anyone who was there. They weren't the "Cool Parents", the "Hip Adults". They were just themselves, with their great senses of humor and caring for anyone who fell under their wings, even for a few minutes. And were definitely a Mom and a Dad, to anyone and everyone.

They didn't get overly excitable about the noise of teenagers, or little kids, whether it was MTV turned up way too loud, our weekly "Holy Grail" movie parties, or kids running in to grab snacks on their way to ride bikes for a few more hours. My parents must have had astronomical grocery bills. I assume this because I cannot, for the life of me, keep food in my fridge for more than a few minutes, with three kids who are all already taller than me. They just keep eating, and their legs just keep getting longer. It's a little troubling to have your 17, 14 and 12 year olds looking down on you!

Anyway, my parents seemed to like having our friends around, and because we were fairly close in age, we all wound up knowing all of everyone else's friends. My daughter, who's a senior in high school and a very dedicated big sister, has had an unwritten, unspoken rule since she was a little girl. IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY BROTHERS, IF YOU'RE NOT COOL TO THEM, WE'RE NOT FRIENDS. She brings new "potential" friends through the apartment, kind of runs them by the boys, and she observes. I have watched her do this for years. I doubt these kids she brings in have any idea the massive hoop they are being demanded to jump through. I have always found it a touching thing about Jessie. She loves her brothers, and no one is going to make fun of them or be rude. It's a requirement, because she treats them like gold. She genuinely LIKES THEM, and they are her friends first, brothers second.

My brothers and I were always the very same way. We were friends first, siblings second. And if you knew one of us, you knew all of us. The people we liked, we "shared" with the family. So, we have all been making our profiles on Facebook (which is a story for another day all on its own...), but I find myself, every time I find a new friend, sending that person to everyone else in my family, because I know that if I knew them, so did my brothers and my parents. Our friendships overlap completely.

In college, my older brother and two of my younger brothers and I were in the same groups of friends as well. And my Mom worked on campus, so she knew our friends there yet again, although we didn't always live at home. I found myself, almost daily, at least at some point during lunch or between classes, walking over to my Mom's campus office with someone in tow. So did my brothers. Or we'd go over together.

It's an unusual thing to say that your best friends in the world are your brothers and your parents. When people hear this about us they either look perplexed or suspicious. But, to me, it's the most natural thing in the world. These are the people who were there at the very beginning of my existence, and will be there at the end. These are the people who love my kids as much as me. These are not Fair Weather Friends, not by any stretch of the imagination.

They are my Family. They are my support system. They are the people I want to share my joys with first, before anyone else, and the ones that I know I can cry to without a lot of explanation, and I will be wrapped up in their concern. I know I'm in their prayers constantly, and they know they are in mine.

My parents somehow instilled in us the understanding that your family are your original friends, the only people who will be with you, regardless of the changes that come along in schooling, social status, employment, kids, sickness, health, whatever. And we all GOT IT.

So, I live a life of intense nostalgia and sentimentality. But, I also live a life that's incredibly rich because of these amazing people who have taken the entire journey with me, thus far.

We have grieved with one another these past few months since we lost our Dad-- Sexy Rexy, the Christmas King. The grief is overwhelming at times, because he was a major part of our lives, in the Dad sense, but mostly in the friendship sense. He has been torn from the group and we'll never be the same until we're all reunited as we should be. But, through this grief, at least for me, is a sense of pure gratitude. Gratitude to have grown up in such an environment that we were able to build these memories and friendships that permeate every part of my every day, good and bad.

And to have the memories continue to build, with an entirely new generation of people, as we each bring our kids into the mix.

I'm blessed. Much more than I deserve to be. I'm proud to be part of this family that has always been happy to bring more and more into it's circle. The inner sanctum will never be too crowded for one, or a thousand more.

Extraordinary.